Tia Lillie Byron McDonnell
| Location | Waltham Abbey, Essex |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Organ Failure |
| Date of Birth | 20/03/2008 |
| Date of Death | 21/03/2008 |
| Visitors | 5,078 since 15/04/2008 |
| Creator | Hannah Byron Tia Byron McDonnells Mummy |
~In Loving Memory ~
Tia Lillie Byron McDonnell
Born on 20th March 2008 at 23:45
Fell asleep on 21st March 2008 at 21:00
Baby daughter of Hannah Byron and Andrew McDonnell
Tia was born weighing 9lb 2oz and had a thick head of long dark brown hair, much
to the surprise of everyone in the delivery room! She had dark blue eyes and was
a lovely pink colour. She will be very much remembered by those that got to meet
her. She had the cutest big feet...the newborn socks I put on her just about
fitted.
Sadly Tia passed away at only 20 hours old due to Pulmonary Hypoplasia. When I
was 21 weeks pregnant the doctors found that Tia had a pleural effusion (fluid
in a space in the lung where there should be none) and this had caused her right
lung to not be able to developed properly. Further ultrasounds later found that
she also had a Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). Tia was given a 60-70%
chance of survival before birth, which unfortunately decreased when she was
born. The doctors realised her left lung had also not developed the way it
should have. This caused Tia to not be able to get enough oxygen round her body
and they were unable to stabilize her. Her little heart stopped at around 9pm as
she no longer had the strength to fight.
The whole pregnancy was spent worrying about Tia and how things might go, by not
just us but most of our family and friends too. With Andy's help I was able to
stay positive and we really believed our little girl would be Ok in the end. I
was referred to a Fetal Medicine Unit in London and attended fortnightly
check-ups and ultrasounds, which in spite of everything we enjoyed, as we got to
see our little girl growing at every stage and we got to see her lovely little
face in 4D. At around 26 weeks pregnant I had a pleuro-amniotic drain which
involved a needle going through me and into Tia's chest to drain the excess
fluid, which unfortunately re-accumulated a week later. The decision was made
not to drain it again as the cause was unknown and it would have been
unnecessary to keep putting both me and Tia through the pain. The plan was made
for the birth and I would be induced two weeks early so that the right people
could be standing by ready for Tia entering the world. I went into hospital on
Monday 17th March where we had the shunt done again, in order to give Tia more
lung space when she was born, I was kept in for a few days after that. I met
some lovely people while in hospital and some great midwives. One night before
bed I was put on the monitors to check Tia's heartbeat and her little
personality already started to show, she would have a lovely heartbeat while the
midwife was standing next to the machine but the moment she would walk out of
the room, Tia would 'play up' and make the alarms sound only to return to normal
when the midwife came back in. This would make both the midwife and me laugh,
she was so much like her daddy already, a joker. After days of waiting anxiously
for a cot to become available and then a delivery bed, it came to the Thursday
(20th March) and I was finally to be induced, at 39 weeks. I was taken down to
the delivery room, more nervous than I've ever been in my life, not for the pain
but for the worry that I knew would come afterwards. The room was really big and
all the equipment that lay waiting for the baby terrified me. I was induced at
16:55 and then spent the next few hours trying to pass the time. My waters broke
naturally with what felt like a 'pop' at 21:50 and by 22:00 I was having really
strong contractions.
At 23:45 out came Tia with a hand over her face and the cord wrapped around her
neck. The doctors lay her on me for a second while they did what they had to do
with the cord. I will never forget the proud look on Andy's face when he looked
at me, sobbing with tears telling me how beautiful our baby girl was. I barely
got to see her before she was sedated, intubated and whisked out of the room and
down to the NNU. They had to sedate her so that she wouldn't try and fight them
as she tried to breath by herself and this could have caused her harm. As soon
as I got cleaned up and stitched from my 2nd degree tear, I went straight down
to meet my little girl.
She lay there so small and helpless in her incubator and from then on I didn't
leave her side, unless I had to step out for the doctors to get to her. She had
taken a bad turn just after she was born and they had to change her ventilation
as she didn't like the first method. I had refused to go up to the ward to sleep
and Andy didn't want to go home, we both waited in the NNU waiting room a few
rooms down from Tia for the next 3 hours until we were allowed in to see her.
She had a number of x-rays and tests done over the next few hours which was
showing that she was not doing as well as we had all hoped she might when I was
pregnant. Her right lung had ruptured leaving her with two poorly lungs and not
able to oxygenate her body. She was given a blood transfusion and then she
started to perk up, looking a lovely pink colour for what would be the last
time. Her oxygen levels were sitting at around 70-80% and this gave us so much
hope for her.
The consultants explained how they had now tried everything they could for Tia
and now we just needed to hope she could stay the way she was, it was all in her
hands. I stayed next to her for the next few hours holding her tiny hand and
kissing her and singing silly songs to her. The nurses actually told me that
while I was with her doing these things, her stats stayed good. It came to about
20:00 that night and we had to step out while they did another x-ray and staff
change over. Just after 20:30, Tia's nurse was banging on our room door with
tears in her eyes, telling us to come quickly. Tia had taken a turn for the
worst and her lungs were failing her...her stats were reading at about 7% oxygen
in her whole body. I walked up to my little girl crying and angry that they had
turned off her overhead heater, I was told this was because her temperature had
been very high. I knew what was happening but I couldn't face it. I pleaded with
Tia to perk up but I knew it was nearing the end. Andy and I were taken into a
room where the doctor explained what was happening and asking for our permission
to turn off her machines. They assured us that they had been on the phone all
day to Great Ormond Street hospital who were giving advice and until all avenues
had been exhausted. Even still, I begged the doctor to try something else but
there was nothing she could say to me, she just sat watching me screaming and
crying. The next thing, there was a knock at the door with a male nurse calling
the doctor out. The doctor walked back in and her next words were "I'm sorry,
but her heart has stopped"....Those words will stick with me forever.
Tia was supposed to be transferred to GOSH just as soon as she was stable enough
to have repair surgery on her diaphragm, but unfortunately, we never got
there.
I sometimes feel so angry with myself for being so selfish and asking Tia to
hang on when she was so weak, but I just couldn't bare to lose her, I loved her
too much to imagine being without her. It seemed that she knew how hard it was
for us to make the decision that was being asked of us, so she made the choice
for us.
Over the next few hours, we gave her her first cuddles and bathed and changed
her. Walking out of the hospital at around 1am without my little girl was just
horrible. We made sure to get as many memories of her as we could including
photo's, a lock of her hair, the hat she wore in the NNU, her cord clamp and her
hand and footprints. They will never be enough, but they help.
I am truly thankful to the specialists that looked after Tia while she was
inside me, especially Mr Pandya and his team. We will be eternally grateful to
the nurses and doctors in the Neonatal Unit who did all they could and for not
leaving Tia's side, they really are angels and we knew our little girl was in
the best hands there. Also the family and friends who have been there for us
both and have helped get us through this hard time. Also my midwives, Linda and
Jaz, who have been great support and who have not forgotten about me.
Tia was laid to rest in Waltham Abbey Cemetery on 2nd April 2008 after a lovely
service held at Waltham Abbey Church, by Rev Martin Webster. The church had few
empty seats, if any and it was nice to have such a good turn out for our little
girl. It just showed how many people wanted to meet her and how loved she is.
I would like to thank all those people who kindly and generously donated money
at Tia's funeral to the 'Tia Fund' that will soon be given to the NNU at
University College Hospital, London, in Tia's name to help sick babies like
her.
Tia meant to world to both her me and her daddy and she would have been the most
loved and spoiled little girl there ever was. We may have only got 20 hours with
her but it felt like a lifetime and we will cherish those hours in our hearts
forever.
Tia you are the most beautiful thing we have ever seen. You are the best thing
that has ever happened to us and we are, and always will be, so proud of you
princess. We will never ever forget you! Sleep well and go play with angels
darling, our only comfort is knowing you're not suffering anymore...
We love you so much, Mummy & Daddy xxxxx
---------------------
Update May08
We raised £650 from Tia's funeral which was donated to the Neo-Natal Unit at
UCLH on 28th April 08. With the help of Gift Aid the hospital should also be
able to claim an extra £182 from the government, giving them a total of £832!
We suggested that the money be used to improve facilities for parents who's
babies were in the NNU. There is now a memorial of Tia on the wall of the NNU
showing the money that was donated in her memory.
---------------------
Update Sept08
I am pregnant again with Tia's little brother or sister due 5th February 09! We
know what we are having but are not revealing until the day, but lets just say
we are over the moon! We know that Tia has been watching over us as for once we
are getting some good luck and things are looking better, i hope that this
little darling i'm carrying will resemble you so we can see you growing up with
them as the years go on. Nothing or no-one can fill the empty space we feel in
our hearts, but I guess having your sibling is the closest we will be to you my
sweetheart. xxxxxx
New TributeTributes to Tia
There have been 78 tributes left for Tia.
A FATHER'S LOSS
It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since ‘men don’t cry’ and ‘men are strong’
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she’s alright
And what she’s going through,
But seldom take his hand and say
‘My friend, and how are you?’
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break,
He dries her tears and comforts her
But ‘stays strong’ for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew,
And try to be so very brave
- He lost his baby too.
This poem was passed onto me by a dear friend for my partner Andy, the love of my life who has been my rock throughout this last year. I was telling her about how strong he has been and how I often worry about how is feeling and coping with losing our precious daughter and so she sent me this for him...
Thanks Rachel x
Hannah Byron Tia Byron McDonnells Mummy (Mother)10 hours ago
Debbie 1 week agofrom another mum
I have just read your story on the Cherubs site.Your precious daughter Tia is beautiful,I am so sorry she lost her fight with CDH. I too lost my precious son Joel to LCDH, he left us after just 17 hours 48 minutes. Our stories are very similar.Thinking of you
Lots of love Debbiexxxxxx
www.joelarchie.piczo.com
A little present from me to you
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Amanda Magee (Friend)1 week ago
I hope you are watching me my little angel..
My Mum doesn't know I'm watching her
but I'm watching her just the same.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
at the mention of my name.
She says it sounds like music to her ears
and can be heard over a crowd.
I hear each tear fall on her face,
when my name is said aloud.
I watch her stumble through each day
as she wishes the day would end.
And I hear each tear fall on her face
as she talks of me with her friends.
But there are few who truly understand.
this I've heard her proclaim.
And I hear each tear fall on her face.
Will my Mum ever be the same?
I know that her smile can light up a sky,
But I don't see that smile today.
But I hear each tear fall on her face,
and her blue skies have turned to grey.
I send my mum hugs full of love
with the rays of the morning sun.
Then I won't hear a tear fall on her face,
for I shall erase them one by one.
Yes, my Mum doesn't know I'm watching her,
but I'm watching her just the same.
And when I hear a tear fall on her face
I softly whisper her name...
Hannah Byron Tia Byron McDonnells Mummy (Mother)1 week ago
Halloween
Happy Halloween princess!
Now you be good up there tonight and dont go eating too many sweeties will you, you'll rot the one tooth that you probably have by now. Daddy and me are going to watch uncle Matt in his show tonight but i'll be thinking of you and wishing i could have taken you out tonight. I would have dressed you in a little fat pumpkin suit, you would have looked so cute!
Sending you lots of kisses and cuddles, love you!!!
Mummy xxxx
Hannah Byron Tia Byron McDonnells Mummy (Mother)3 weeks ago
Snow in October! It could only be you...xx
Hello my darling little angel.
I hope i havent been upsetting you by crying at your garden these last few nights. It's just that i miss you so much and I hate thinking of your little body all cold in the dark, even though I know you're not there and that your spirit is with me, I cant tell you how much I long to pick you up and snuggle you again. Daddy and me have been visiting to light your lantern every night and will be coming again tonight after work. Its so nice thinking that you have a night-light to leave a glow around you as we leave. We bought you a pumpkin last night that we will carve for you tonight, nothing too spooky though, maybe a cat sitting on the moon or something? We'll bring it down to your garden tomorrow night along with the little light up ghost aunty Lauren bought for you.
It was Daddys first week at his new job this week, he's really enjoying it actually, it's only training at the moment but thats only for another 4 weeks. He's been doing really well and getting top marks in all the tests he's had to do, your Daddy's so clever!
We went out at the weekend shopping, spending too much money as always but we happened to see some battery powered christmas lights so we got them for your tree, that we're yet to buy. We'll get you a little one so that it looks christmassy. Also got you an LED snowflake and me and Daddy will have the same one on a shelf at home. We also bought a christmas tree decoration that it a little fairy covered in glitter, it made me think of you.
It was nice seeing the snow the other day, I didnt even realise but then Nanny phoned me and told me to look outside. It really made me think of you, it snowed the night we lost you. Remember? I was telling you all about the snow that i could see coming down through the window behind your cot in the neo-natal unit. It was funny as you were all toasty and warm under your heater and it was freezing outside!! Every time i look at my charm bracelet and see the snowflake, it makes me think of that...
If you can sweetie, can you somehow tell your little sibling to leave mummy's ribs alone as they've been getting a pounding today, heehee! Baby is getting so big now and im getting so excited about meeting h** (I cant say on here incase people see who dont know yet, but you know what im talking about). I can't wait to see how much alike you look, if you do that is. You were Daddy's lookalike where as this little one might be mummy's...we'll just have to wait and see.
Mummy's birthday is coming up soon, Daddy has something really special planned for me as its my 21st, but everyone is keeping it secret. I so wish you could have been here to celebrate with me, that would have made my birthday PERFECT...
Christmas is fast approaching as its going to be horrible not having you here, you would have been spoiled rotten with all the presents you could imagine. On Christmas day i will visit your garden but we're also going to visit J Markfield's where you had a little rest before making your journey, we've been told they release white doves in memory of loved ones so weren't going to miss that.
We are going to a memorial service at the Abbey Church on Sunday, at 6.30pm and i'll be lighting a candle for you and thinking of you sweetheart.
Missing you more each day, try and visit me in my dreams a bit more, or Daddy. We like to feel you near.
All my love as always,
Your ever loving Mummy xxxx
Hannah Byron Tia Byron McDonnells Mummy (Mother)3 weeks ago
Life Within & A Place in our Hearts
'Life Within'
To have known life within
Is to have known joy
And the freshness of beginnings:
To have life snatched away
Leaves me with hands outstretched,
My arms open wide,
Feeling emptiness and space,
Rather than the weight of my child,
With newborn warmth and silken hair.
My body, so full of kicks and squirms one day,
Is barren and lifeless the next
Stripped of its child,
That I never knew. Yet I did know and love.
'A place in our Hearts'
There is a place in our hearts meant for you alone
Part of our lives only you can own.
The tears in our eyes we can wipe away,
But the love in our hearts will always stay.
May the winds of love blow softly
And whisper for you to hear
How much we will always love you.
To us you were so dear.
Rachel Bass Josh's Mum (Family Friend)3 weeks ago
Talk to Me
Like the raindrops touch the land
Like the ocean hugs the sand
Like the bird sings to be free
Talk to me.
Like the wind talks to the trees
With a soft whispering breeze
Like the sun kisses the leaves
Talk to me.
Words have the magic to ease the pain we all can feel
They're the power for the future
For the hungry eyes that burn for light to see
Talk to me.
Like the raindrops touch the land
Like the ocean hugs the sand
Like the bird sings to be free
Talk to me.
Like the wind talks to the trees
With a soft whispering breeze
Like the sun kisses the leaves
Talk to me.
Rachel Bass Josh's Mum (Family Friend)4 weeks ago
Precious Child
In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still
In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still
In my heart you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then
In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
Karen Taylor-Good (Lyrics)
Rachel Bass Josh's Mum (Family Friend)September 18, 2008, 4:19 pm
Back from our weekend break...
Hello you, back home safe and sound. First thing i did was check on your flowers and they are fine. I would have loved you to come with us on holiday but i know you were there with us, i cant believe when i asked you to help me and aunty lauren on the slot machines loads of money fell out! Clever girl!! We had so much fun and didnt want to come home, feels like all we did was laugh all weekend. Also in the last few days your little sibling has decided to have a growth spurt and my belly now looks huge! felt so many kicks while we were away. There were lots of people with babies there and i so so wished that i could have taken you, you would have loved it. Thanks for making the weather nice for us too, it couldnt have been better. Seeing the monkeys at monkey world was good fun, they were so cute and it was funny when daddy was winding the baby orangutan Dinda up, she was sticking her tongue out at him, i bet you were up there giggling away werent you. All Uncle Matt and Daddy did the whole time was wind aunty lauren and mummy up with their farting and burping... smelly boys lol, its scary how much alike they are, us girls would have stuck together ay :). I hope you liked the little something i brought back for you, ive left it in your garden, i worked so hard to get that for you :) Had a lovely time and it was just what daddy and me needed but now i feel exhausted and need a good rest from all that walking.
Anyway, will come and see you again tomorrow Daddy has the week off with me so we're going to spend sometime together, i guess this is the last proper chance we have to be on our own before baby comes along. Its not long now is it princess, Mummy is so scared.
Love you lots and i'm blowing you some kisses x X x X x X x
Hannah Byron Tia Byron McDonnells Mummy (Mother)September 15, 2008, 4:43 pm
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